


Never Going To Wait

by hannahfanficrobron



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Relationship(s), Reunions, Romance, home coming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:11:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahfanficrobron/pseuds/hannahfanficrobron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert and Chrissie left Emmerdale in summer 2015 to repair their marriage. Two years later, Robert's coming home alone for Aaron. But Aaron hasn't been sat around waiting for Robert to come back to him... Multi chapter fic. Now complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is set about 2 years on from the affair reveal, when Robert finally returns to the village. Chas and Diane still jointly own the pub in this too. Will be multi chaptered, and have no idea where I'm going (though I imagine this will get bumped up to and Explicit rating at some point)
> 
> Aaron / Gordon storyline WILL be included, but as Robert wasn't there, we'll see how that plays out...

**June 2017**

Robert got out of the taxi, looking around the street. It seemed nothing much changed here, life still ticked on by the way it always had. Robert shook his head, trying to stop being sentimental. He grabbed his suitcase quickly and thrust more money than was necessary at the cab driver. Standing on the street thinking wasn’t going to help. He was sure that he’d see someone who recognised him and he wasn’t sure he wanted that. Robert went into the B and B, quickly coming across Eric whose eyes flicked up in surprise.

“Like the bad penny, eh?”

“That any way to talk to customers?” Robert asked. “You got a room available?”

“I suppose,” Eric said. “Staying long?”

“Not sure,” Robert said honestly. He hoped so, because this was home, but he knew certain people wouldn’t be pleased to see him. And Aaron… well, he wasn’t allowing his mind to go there. Not yet. He might not even be in Emmerdale as far as Robert knew. But deny it all he wanted, that thought left him hollow. He wanted Aaron to be here. Not the main reason he was here though. Or not the only reason, he corrected himself, thinking hard as Eric led him up to a room. He didn’t say much as Eric handed over the key. Once alone, Robert collapsed onto the bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Who’re you kidding,” he muttered under his breath. For the last two years he hadn’t been able to stop thinking of Aaron, it was only now that he was able to fully admit it, stop living in denial. The only thing stopping him going over to the Woolpack and seeing if Aaron was there, was that he knew he was going to get a bad reception. He’d like to plan at least some of what he could say. And that would take some time.

* * *

 

“Ooh, going anywhere nice?” Chas asked, smiling at Aaron as he came from out the back of the pub. He was dressed up, which for Aaron meant a clean shirt and no hoodie.

“None of your business,” Aaron said, knowing she was wheedling for information. “Matt’s coming over for a drink, then we’re going into town,” he said, relenting.

“How’re things going with him?” Chas asked. Aaron shook his head, sighing but he didn’t answer. Give Chas an inch, and she’d be assuming all sorts of things. Probably picking out her hat for the wedding, Aaron thought to himself, shaking his head again.

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m your mum!” she said, all innocent and smiling.

“Just leave it, eh?” Aaron said. “Two pints please,” he added as he saw Matt come into the pub. He scanned the patrons, relaxing when he saw Aaron and coming over, dark eyes smiling at him without any other change of expression on his face. They sat down in a private booth as Aaron looked at him. Matt wore well fitting clothes, and he looked damn good tonight. Those jeans… Aaron cut that line of thought off immediately. He wanted to have a good time tonight, not a quick (but satisfying) fumble.

“Hi,” Matt said, squeezing his hand tightly in greeting. He sat down as Chas brought their pints over. She hovered annoyingly until Aaron stared at her and she got the point, leaving with a pout.

“Overprotective much?” Matt said, nodding at her.

“She’s just nosy,” Aaron said, smiling briefly at his mother. “It’s all well meaning.”

“If you say so,” Matt said with a shrug. “So what do you fancy doing tonight?”

Aaron didn’t hear the question, the entire bar going silent as a tall blonde man walked in. Aaron’s eyes were glued to him, as he felt a powerful jolt in his stomach, his heart rate doubling in seconds. _Robert_. It couldn’t be, it’d been two years. But it was. He looked around the pub, seeing Aaron and neither of them could break eye contact. He looked just the same as Aaron remembered. No, better actually. Aaron hadn’t quite remembered the exact effect Robert’s eyes always had had on him. Now he was looking at Robert, he was taken right back to two years ago and it was like he was drowning in those perfect eyes, even from across the room. No one else even existed for several seconds. Robert’s eyes lightened when they landed on Aaron, then darkened straight away as he saw the company Aaron was keeping. Robert took in a breath and walked straight back out. Only when he’d left the pub did Aaron feel like he could breathe again. The villagers started gossiping but Aaron ignored them, his heart still hammering in his chest.

“Ex?” Matt asked, though there was no need. The electricity between their locked eyes could hardly have been more obvious.

“Something like that,” Aaron said, willing his heart rate to calm down.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No.”


	2. Chapter 2

He was with someone else. That one thought was circling around Robert’s head. Aaron was an attractive man, _you didn’t really expect him to be single, did you?_ The voice in his head asked. The truth was, he hadn’t really thought about it. His first hurdle had been to see if Aaron still lived here, and when he realised he did, his heart had lifted. But Robert hadn’t thought beyond that point. He hadn’t really expected Aaron to fall into his arms, of course not, that wasn’t realistic, but… But. He’d hoped for more than that. Seeing him with another man had turned his insides cold. He was jealous, jealous that another man got to have his hands on Aaron’s skin, got to kiss his perfect lips. Robert knew better than most how good those lips could make you feel.

“Watch it!” came the shout. Robert side stepped a man he didn’t recognise who he’d just walked into. Robert was so distracted that he hadn’t paid any attention to where he was walking. It was the summer, so it was still light out, in spite of it being early evening and he thought the walk would clear his head. Not exactly going to plan then, because the word _Aaron_ kept floating across his brain.

“Get a grip,” Robert told himself. He was acting and certainly thinking like a lovesick puppy. Two words he didn’t ever want to have describe himself. He walked towards the park, lounging on the swings as he thought to himself about how he‘d got here.

He knew after a few months since leaving Emmerdale that things weren’t going to work with his wife. But she had held on, wanting somehow to prove that she could keep him, that she could be better than Aaron, and he had held on because he didn’t want to have a failed marriage, didn’t want to admit that loving a man had caused his relationship to break down. Chrissie hadn’t wanted the divorce because she knew it would cost her, but in the end she’d given in. Doing anything to be free of Robert. By the end, he hadn’t fought her either, just wanting her gone. 

After he left Emmerdale, Robert had realised what he’d lost. Every touch from her felt wrong, every kiss reminded him that she wasn’t Aaron and could never replace him. Could never compare to how he made Robert feel. But it took him a lot of months to admit to it, even to himself. How much he longed to feel Aaron’s body against his, how Aaron wasn’t simply a fling to get out of his system, he was more. So much more. Robert hadn’t wanted to come home until the divorce was settled, until he was completely free of ties to the Whites and Chrissie. Now that was sorted and Aaron was with someone else. Some good looking stranger. Really attractive, Robert had to admit.

“Stop being so pathetic.” 

“Lifetime of practice.” He whipped around at the familiar voice, smiling. The words were said lightly, with no hurt and he wrapped his arms around Victoria with difficulty.

“Wow, look how big you are!”

“No wonder your chat up lines no longer work with women,” Victoria said, rolling her eyes.

“How long’ve you got to go?” he asked, ignoring her words.

“Three weeks,” she said. “And I cannot wait to get this baby out of me.”

“I came back just in time then,” Robert said. Victoria looked at him, sensing something else. She always was astute.

“Are you back for Aaron?” she asked, hitting the nail on the head.

“Aaron? What, you mean…” He couldn’t keep up the façade, not with Vic. “Am I that obvious?”

“You weren’t on the phone,” she said. “But seeing your face…”

“Yeah, well,” Robert shook his head. “Seems I missed the boat on that one.”

“He’s with someone,” Vic said.

“Now, knowing that would have been useful when I called you last week,” Robert said pointedly. 

“I didn’t know you were coming back for him,” Vic said. “Things with Chrissie are over then? For good?”

“Signed, sealed, and delivered on the divorce,” he said, only a trace of bitterness. “How long has Aaron been with… him?” Robert asked, not having a name.

“About six months.” Robert’s heart sank. Not a quick fling or just sex then. An actual relationship. “You left him for Chrissie. Don’t blame him for finding someone else.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be on my side?” Robert questioned. 

“Rob, he was heartbroken,” Vic said. “I’ve never seen him like that, you didn’t even look back. And he’s had a bad time of it since you’ve been gone.” The way she said it made Robert think that there was more to it.

“Bad how?”

“If he wants to tell you, he will,” Vic said, shrugging. Robert knew her well enough to know when she would keep her mouth firmly shut, so he didn’t push.

“It’s good to see you,” Robert said, focusing on his sister. He’d have time to think about Aaron later. “Drink?” Vic looked down at her pregnant stomach. “Tea?” he edited.

“Yes,” she said. “Come over to mine, I think we’ll avoid the Woolpack.”

“Great idea.”

* * *

 

“Come on, Aaron, you’ve barely said a word all night,” Matt said, looking around the bar in Hotten where they‘d ended up. “I don’t even know his name, but he clearly meant something to you, so talk or I might start worrying.”

“Robert. It was two years ago,” Aaron said, feeling like he owed Matt some kind of explanation after his reaction in the Woolpack. “It ended two years ago.”

“Why?”

“Because he was married and I told his wife.” Matt whistled lowly, surprised. Aaron had always condemned cheating completely whenever it came up in conversation.

“I thought you…”

“It was a mess,” Aaron said, looking down at his drink. “At the start… it was just sex, but it got so complicated. And I didn’t like who I’d become. Sneaking around behind the wife’s back? That’s not me.”

“Did you love him?” Matt asked gently.

“It was years ago.”

“That’s not an answer, Aaron,” Matt said, harsher this time.

“It’s just a shock, seeing him again,” Aaron said, reaching across the table and squeezing Matt’s hand tightly. “I never thought he’d come back.” Matt would have pressed further, but Aaron leaned across the table and kissed him. Aaron didn’t do kisses in public, so Matt leaned into it and enjoyed every second.

“I’m with you,” Aaron said quietly, only just able to hear him in the bar. “And I don’t want to talk about him. He ruins everything, lets not have him ruin tonight.”

“Fine,” Matt agreed. “Another round?”

“Sure.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of Aaron's scars is made here, just as a warning. Thank you to those who're encouraging me to write more of this, it means so much!

Aaron awoke at 8:42 according to the digital clock in his eye line in Matt‘s flat. No way was he going to make it into work today, and his head was throbbing. He didn’t think it was a hangover, more stress related. More Robert related, the honest part of him admitted. He picked up his phone which had made it onto the bedside table miraculously and called Adam.

“I’m not going to make it in today,” he said briefly.

“Oh, mate, come on,” Adam said, exasperated.

“I’ll be in in the afternoon,” Aaron said as a compromise. “I’m still in Hotten and I’ve just woken up.”

“Good night, was it?” Adam asked, the easy going note back in his voice.

“Yeah,” Aaron said with a smile. It had been, in spite of the rocky start. “See you later.”

“Bye.” Aaron put the phone down and groaned. His body ached after a thorough night of drinking and good sex. He felt Matt’s hand over his chest, and froze for a second. He still had his shirt on, unable to take it off last night. Even though Matt had seen everything, he still had times that he needed to stay covered, needed to keep one part of himself private and last night had been one of them. Matt rippled the fabric of his shirt, asking the question.

“All right?”

“Yeah, sorry,” Aaron said. “I couldn’t.”

“It’s fine,” Matt said. “I understand.” And he did. He never pushed Aaron to do more than he was comfortable with. The warm glow he’d woken up with had now faded and Aaron got up, throwing his clothes on.

“You don’t have to go,” Matt suggested with a small smile, a needy look on his face. Robert didn’t do needy. _Stop comparing them!!_ his mind shouted at him.

“I do,” he said. “Work. Home. Shower.”

“I’ve got a shower,” Matt said, grinning.

“You know I have to go.”

“Yeah, I know,” Matt said.

“Have you got another shirt?” Aaron asked. The one he’d slept in was so creased that he’d be really embarrassed taking a taxi home in that.

“Help yourself.” Aaron thought about it for a moment, but then stripped in front of Matt. He’d always been uncomfortable shirtless because of his self harm scars, but now it was so much worse. How petty his worries before now seemed! He could feel Matt’s eyes on his back as he quickly put the clean shirt on. He knew Matt was studying the burns, the pink and red mottled scars over his body that he’d never be rid of. The atmosphere relaxed slightly when he was covered.

“I’ll call you later,” Matt said as Aaron leaned over him for a kiss goodbye.

“Yeah,” Aaron said.

“We okay?”

“Yes,” Aaron said, firmer. “See you later.” Aaron smiled as he left, though he wasn’t the only one to notice it didn’t reach his eyes.

* * *

 

Aaron got out of the taxi, heading towards the pub. He needed a shower before he even thought about work. He was surprised to see his mum sitting in the kitchen.

“You all right?” he asked.

“Waiting for you to come home,” she said, a forced smile on her face.

“I’m not five years old,” he said kindly.

“I know,” she said. “But I’m your mum, I’ll always worry about you.”

“Right,” Aaron said. “And this has nothing to do with Robert coming back into the pub last night?”

“It might do,” she said. “Please, Aaron, I am begging you not to go near him. That man’s caused you nothing but hurt.”

“I remember, I was there,” Aaron said darkly. “I won’t go near him.”

“You’re happy with Matt,” Chas continued. “Just leave him alone.”

“I’ve said I won’t go near him,” Aaron said. “Isn’t that good enough?”

“I know the hold he has on you,” Chas said quietly.

“Had,” Aaron corrected her.

“I saw your face when he walked into the pub last night,” Chas said. “I know you’ve still got feelings for him.” Aaron didn’t want to argue about this, so he said nothing, turned and went upstairs for a shower.

* * *

It was nearing midday when Aaron left the pub for the scrap yard. He had hid car keys in his hand when he saw Robert walking down the street towards him. Aaron froze, hating how good he looked. Better than Aaron’s memories of him, that’s for sure. And he looked better with the shorter hair too. His fingers ached to run through it before he came back to his senses, wondering if Robert had been waiting for him to leave the pub, watching for him.

“I’m not following you,” Robert said, correctly reading the look on his face. “Just on the way up to Home Farm.”

“Why?” Aaron asked. It had stood empty for two years now. When Chrissie and Robert had left, Lawrence and Lachlan had gone with them. The villagers had guessed the White’s still owned it.

“It’s mine,” Robert said with a shrug. “Got it in the divorce. Saved them on making a big payout to me, and I was just going up to have a look.”

“I thought you were in the B and B?”

“I am,” Robert said. “Couldn’t face the house,” he admitted. Robert tucked his hands in his pockets and moved to walk away, presumably to the house.

“Where’s your car?”

“Don’t have one,” Robert said. “Yeah, I need to fix that,” he added at Aaron’s look. “Last one totally broke down, had to scrap it. And I appreciate the irony.”

“You own part of a scrap yard.”

“No, I don’t,” Robert said. Aaron frowned at him. “Adam didn’t tell you? He bought me out.”

“When?” Aaron asked in surprise. He had had no idea.

“About a year ago,” Robert said. “He never told you?”

“No, he didn’t,” Aaron grumbled, guessing why. A year ago he’d been in hospital and no one had wanted to do or say anything that would tip him over the edge. “You walking up to Home Farm?” Aaron asked. Robert nodded. “I’ll drop you off if you want a lift.” Aaron had no idea where the words had come from. It wasn’t on the way to work either, but now they were out he couldn’t take them back.

“You sure?”

“I’m not offering twice,” Aaron said as if it didn't matter. “Get in, or don’t.” Robert considered for a moment, then took him up on the offer, sitting in the passenger seat.

* * *

 

As Aaron started the engine, the silence between them was uncomfortable to say the least. Highly pressured. The last time they’d really seen each other was when Chrissie was yelling in the Woolpack, telling everyone what Aaron and Robert had been up to. “Why did you come into the pub last night?” Aaron asked, needing to say something to fill the quiet.

“I wanted to see you.” Aaron looked at him briefly in surprise before returning his attention to the road. That was more honest than Aaron had expected. “I didn’t know if you still lived here. Guess I was checking, I hadn’t really thought it through.” Robert ran a hand over his face in agitation. “Sorry for just walking out,” he added. “When I saw…” Robert sighed heavily.

“Did you seriously expect me to wait for you to come back?” Aaron asked. “You think you can just walk back into my life and we’ll pick up where we left off?”

“No,” he said. “But I did want to see you.” The words were so simple, but Robert’s tone carried so much meaning that Aaron couldn’t help the shiver than ran through him. Being in such close proximity to Robert was making it hard to think. It had been two years, but with Robert sat next to him, it was as if it had only been a few days since Aaron had last seen him. That’s how it felt like.

“How long’ve you been with him?” Robert asked, pushing gently. He already knew from Vic, but was curious about what Aaron would say.

“Don’t make me feel guilty,” Aaron said harshly. “I’ve not heard from you in two years, you clearly didn’t care what I was going through.”

“I did care,” Robert said quietly. “I do.” Aaron’s heart lurched at that, but he wasn’t going to examine why. They both sighed as they looked out of the window, cows being led across the road, making them stop. Aaron pulled the car up, the irritation now thumping through his body.

“What are you doing here? Where’s your wife, Robert?” Aaron asked. Offering Robert a lift had been stupid. Being this close to someone he had such a complicated past with was a huge mistake. Feeling how physically close he was in the confined space of the car, how much Aaron still wanted him even after all this time was distracting.

“Divorced,” Robert said. “It was never going to work.”

“Because you’ve finally admitted you’re gay?” Aaron probed. It had always been a sticking point for him, Robert failing to ever say it.

“I’m not gay,” Robert said. The words were so familiar, Aaron felt the anger bubbling up inside him, he couldn't help it.

“I’m not doing this again,” Aaron said, shaking his head.

“I’m not,” Robert said. “I am bisexual. Will that admission do?”

“It would have two years ago,” Aaron said, looking at Robert. He sighed very heavily and bit his lip, a reflex. As soon as his teeth dug into his bottom lip, Robert looked away. Aaron felt stupid, because he knew Robert had always found that habit of his attractive, and apparently time and distance hadn’t changed that. They were still trapped behind the cows and Robert shook his head.

“You know what, I’ll walk the rest of the way,” Robert said. “Thanks for the lift.” Aaron didn’t stop him as he got out of the car, only breathing out when Robert shut the door. Aaron reversed and turned the car around, heading to the scrap yard. He was painfully aware of his heart racing, and he needed to calm down before he got to work. God forbid Adam see the effect Robert could still have on him.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Robert unlocked the door of Home Farm and disabled the security alarm, thankful that the code appeared to be the same. He walked through the house, smelling old and empty with the disuse until he found the sofa. He collapsed onto it in the gloom of the room, not even having turned a light on. It was still there. The push and pull of Aaron, the desperate attraction that they couldn’t fight, the want, the desire. It was all still there, and he knew Aaron had felt it too. He might not admit it, but it was there. God, he ached for him. And he hadn’t even seen him in two years, but he’d never stopped thinking about him. It seemed he’d waited too long though.

If he knew Aaron at all, he knew Aaron wouldn’t cheat, wouldn’t embark on another affair. Their own affair had hurt too many people, including each other. So while he was with this man whose name Robert still didn’t know, there would be no hope for Robert to get near him. The way he badly wanted to. Sitting next to him in the car made him realise how much he felt the desire to touch his skin, just the simple movement of him driving the car was enough, to see the fabric move over his body. How could something so easy leave him longing for Aaron.

“You are screwed,” he said to himself.

* * *

 

“Why didn’t you tell me you’d bought Robert out of the business?” Aaron asked as soon as he got to work.

“Oh God,” Adam said. “He’s been back less than twenty four hours and already you’re listening to him.”

“You telling me it’s not true?”

“No, it is true, but at the time you were hardly in a state to be told anything,” Adam said. “We could afford it and I figured… one less hold that man had on you.”

“You should have told me, Adam,” Aaron said, annoyed. Not so much at the fact Robert wasn’t part of the business, more that it’d been hidden from him. “Did you know he was coming back?” Aaron asked. “Did Vic know?”

“No, I didn’t, but yes, she did,” Adam said. “I’d have told you. Warned you that you might see him, come on mate. You know me, right?”

“Yeah,” he said, accepting his words as the truth. “Yeah, I do. Though Vic’s gone down in my estimations. A warning would have helped.”

“She didn’t think he was really turning up,” Adam said. “She didn’t want to upset you if there was no reason to.”

Aaron sighed heavily. “I hate seeing him,” he admitted. This wasn’t exactly true, hating how Robert made him feel was closer to the mark. Adam watched him critically.

“Do you still love him?” Adam asked.

“Drop it.”

“Aaron, come on.”

“I can’t even let myself think about him that way,” Aaron said, the closest to the truth he’d come to saying. “So, back off.”

“Fine,” Adam said. “McGregor called about the drop off yet?” Aaron appreciated the change of subject more than he could say.

* * *

 

“Pint please, Chas,” Robert said that afternoon, walking into the pub. It escaped neither of them that it was nearly five o’clock and Aaron was due home from work.

“You know, I think I’m going to exercise my right to refuse service,” Chas said, smiling at him with no amusement. “You can leave now.”

“Shall we ask Diane, see if she’ll serve me?” Robert asked. He wasn’t leaving

“Aaron has just got his life back on track,” Chas almost hissed, not wanting to become a spectacle in front of the village gossips. “He’s had to go through more than anyone else could ever stand, and you coming back here, toying with him again is not what he needs.

“I care about him, Chas,” Robert said seriously. “I always did.” Chas scoffed. “You know, I keep hearing that Aaron’s been through a lot, but no one seems that bothered filling me in on the details.”

“Ask him then,” Chas said, not going to be the one to talk about it. “Actually don’t, just leave. If you really cared about him the way you say, you’d leave him alone and let him live his life. Please.”

“I’ll leave when I’m ready,” Robert said, He’d nearly said “when Aaron asks me to” but he’d held back not wanting to commit in case Aaron did actually ask him to leave. “I’ll have a pint please.”

“Diane!” Chas called into the back, moving aside as his step mother came through. She smiled widely at him, it’d been too long.

“Robert! Heard you’d come back.”

“Thought it was time I said hello,” Robert said. It was good to see her.

“So it was… the B and B, Victoria, the pub, Aaron, Home Farm, then me,” Diane said, almost staring him down. “I guess I should be glad I’m in the top ten.”

“Nice to see you too,” Robert said, smiling at her. They hugged awkwardly across the bar. “Can I get a drink in this place?” Diane winked at him and poured him a pint.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seem to be a bit stuck, so I'm taking suggestions for where to go from here. I'm obviously going to get our boys back together at some point though!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Both mentions of Aaron's scars and Gordon's abuse are mentioned in this chapter as a warning. Nothing to explicit though. Thank you to those who're leaving Kudos and commenting, really makes it worth it! Enjoy!

Matt was starting to get really annoyed. Aaron hadn’t even text him over the last two days, let alone called him. This wasn’t like him. They weren’t the most affectionate of couples, but they did talk on days they didn’t meet up. Matt was convinced this was because Robert was back in town. There was no other explanation for Aaron‘s change of behaviour, so the next day Matt drove to the village, wanting to take Aaron out for lunch, spend some time with him.

He knocked on the portacabin door and opened it, smiling at Adam who nodded before his gaze settled on Aaron.

“What’re you doing here?” Aaron grumbled.

“I might start thinking you don’t want to see me,” Matt said. He’d meant to speak lightly, but the truth was so evident it hadn’t sounded that way.

“I’ll go…” Adam said, wanting to get out of the tense situation. When the door closed behind him Aaron turned to Matt.

“Of course I want to see you,” Aaron said. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’ve not talked to me in days,” Matt said. “I’m not stupid, I know this is because your ex is back.”

“Not exactly,” Aaron said, sighing. “It’s complicated.”

“So… try and explain it to me,” Matt said simply, pulling up a chair.

“I’ve not been ignoring you,” Aaron said. “Robert… he is terrible for me and I know it. I’m sorry.”

“Aaron, I love you. So be honest with me, please. Do I need to be worried about us?”

The honest answer was yes. But Aaron wasn’t ready to be honest with himself, let alone anyone else. So he lied. “No, course not.”

“I want to take you out for lunch,” Matt said. “Okay?”

“Sounds great.”

* * *

 

Aaron stayed late at work, catching up on paperwork. After lunch with Matt he hadn’t got back until gone three, so he had stuff to do. Plus it kept his mind off of a certain blonde. Until said blonde walked in without knocking.

“What do you want?” Aaron asked, not even bothering to waste the energy asking him to leave.

“To see if you’re okay,” Robert said calmly. “Are you?”

“I’m fine,” Aaron said. He hated being alone with Robert in a confined space, mostly because he wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do.

“What’s happened over the last couple of years, Aaron?” Robert asked. “People say…”

“You shouldn’t listen to gossip,” Aaron said.

“Oh, don’t worry,” Robert said. “I’m clearly the devil, no one’s telling me anything. How are you?”

“Why do you even care?” Aaron asked bitterly. “You left me, without looking back, without caring about the hell I’ve been in.”

“Did you ever expect me to leave her for you?” Robert asked.

“Yeah, I hoped,” Aaron said. “Maybe that makes me naïve, but I wanted you. So badly. And you don’t know how much it hurt me when you left with her.”

“But I’m here now,” Robert said.

“So what? I was supposed to keep my life on hold while you spent two years making your mind up who you wanted?” Aaron asked. “I was never going to wait for you, Robert. You’re not stupid.”

“No,” Robert said, voice low and seductive. “But I still want you.”

“Robert…”

“I do,” Robert interrupted. “Whatever it is you’ve been going through, I don’t need to know. It doesn’t change anything. I still want you, I never stopped.”

“I spent months wanting to hear that from you,” Aaron admitted. “To hear anything from you, actually. Just a phone call.” He stopped because he could hear his voice wobbling and he didn’t want to fall apart in front of Robert. “You left.”

“Tell me it’s not too late,” Robert said. “I know you still feel it. What’s between us, I can see it on your face.” Aaron longed to deny it, but he couldn’t because it was true. He did feel the pull of Robert, the bone deep attraction he’d never been able to fight. Robert smirked, confidence returning as he gauged Aaron’s reaction.

Robert kissed him. Aaron should have pushed him away, but he couldn’t. His soft lips felt exquisite and after half a second, Aaron forgot that he shouldn’t be doing this, and returned the kiss hungrily. Robert groaned into his mouth, feeling Aaron respond and wrapping his arms around him tight. They kept kissing each other, barely parting when they gasped for breath. Robert’s hands tangled in the hem of Aaron’s T shirt and before he could even get his brain in gear to stop him, Robert had taken it off. The way he had hundreds of times before, it felt so beautifully familiar and incredibly arousing at the same time that Aaron hadn’t thought to stop him. It was the gasp, not of passion but surprise that had him looking at Robert, asking the silent question. Robert’s eyes were on his body and Aaron felt the wave of shame crashing over him, pulling him under. He hated the way Robert was staring at the pink and red burn scars on his body, that would never fully heal. They were both frozen for several seconds, the only movement was Robert’s eyes, as if memorising his body, the new marks of hardships he hadn’t been here for.

“Had a good look?” Aaron asked, clenching his jaw, fists curling into his T shirt he held, wanting to cover up but not wanting to appear frail to Robert.

“What happened?” Robert asked, not looking away from his body.

“Nothing.”

“Aaron…” Robert said softly, looking at the mess of his skin.

“Fire,” Aaron said. “That’s all.” Aaron covered himself up and the tension in the room eased somewhat.

“When?”

“A year ago,” Aaron said. “I’m… fine. Now.”

“But you weren’t, were you?”

Aaron looked down at the floor before admitting it. “I didn’t run. I knew the building was on fire and I just sat there, letting it take me.”

“God, Aaron, why?” Robert asked desperately.

“Because my father raped me and I couldn’t cope!”

“You…” The hush in the room was so loud and for a moment neither of them could speak. Robert started gasping for breath as he took in the enormity of Aaron’s words. “You… he what? You…” he whispered unable to get a sentence together.

“I shouldn’t have told you like that,” Aaron said, shaking his head and looking at the floor.

“When? Since…?”

Aaron understood what Robert was trying to ask. If it had happened since Robert had left the village, or before they’d even met. “Years ago,” he said. “When I was a kid. It all exploded when he came back to the village, tried to get back with my mum and I couldn’t cope.” Aaron looked down.

“Why did you never tell me that?” Robert spoke firmly and Aaron realised he was getting over the shock quickly.

“Oh, come on Robert,” Aaron said impatiently. “It’s not exactly something I like to think about.”

“I’d have…”

“What?” Aaron asked bitterly. “What would you have done differently? Stopped treating me like rubbish you can pick up and throw away whenever you feel like?”

“That’s not how it was,” Robert said.

“For me, that’s exactly how it was,” Aaron said.

“That’s what you think of me?” Robert asked, hurt beyond belief. “Then why are you even here? Why did you let me kiss you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Aaron, I…”

“Don’t say it,” Aaron interrupted, his heart pounding, not ready to hear it. “Just go.” Robert didn’t argue and left. Aaron’s hands were still clenched into fists and he punched the wall of the cabin before he could stop himself. Why did he have to make everything so much more complicated than it had to be?

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of an in between-ish chapter, but necessary. Enjoy!

Aaron burst into the back of the pub, and Chas could see the nervous energy almost coming off him in waves. “Whoa., what’s got into you?” she asked. “And you’re itching.” Aaron dropped his hand in shame. His burns always itched when he was particularly agitated, wound up or stressed. One meeting with Robert, one (admittedly incredibly passionate) kiss and he was doing it again, without even realising.

“God!” he shouted, screwing his face up.

“What’s happened?” Chas said, putting her hand on his shoulder gently.

“Robert,” Aaron spat out.

Chas sighed heavily. “You need to stay away from him!” she said desperately. “Please, Aaron. He will kill you if you don’t. He nearly managed it last time.”

“Come on,” Aaron said. “I’m not defending him, but are you seriously blaming him for Gordon? Hardly his fault, was it?”

Chas had no reply to that, Aaron so rarely mentioned his name it surprised her. “Sit down,” she tried instead. Aaron did after a moment, still breathing heavily. “What happened?”

Aaron sighed again, debating what to say, what to confide. But he needed to talk to someone. Adam and Vic weren’t options because of their close links to Robert, Matt was clearly out and Paddy was in Germany. That didn’t leave him with many people.

“He kissed me,” Aaron said. He tuned out the inevitable string of “why’s” and “What were you thinking’s” that Chas came up with. He already knew it all.

“Do you know something?” Aaron admitted, looking at his hands, not wanting to look at her. “It’s the first time I’ve felt alive in months.”

“Aaron, what are you doing? Cheating, again?”

“I didn’t start it,” Aaron said. “Oh God, I can’t… What _am_ I doing?” He put his head in his hands angrily. He could still feel the bruise of Robert’s lips on his, the taste of him. He knew himself well enough to know that if Robert hadn’t pulled back at the surprise scarring on his body, that they would have ended up having sex on the floor, which would have been dirty, hot and incredibly desperate. Like it or not, things weren’t over with Robert. The man had such a pull over him and he hated it. But Chas was right in one thing. He wasn’t a cheat, he would never cheat on anyone again. It had caused far too much hurt in the past.

* * *

 

“It’s Robert, isn’t it?” Matt said sadly. 

Aaron nodded briefly. “I’m sorry. I’m not over him, no matter how much I want to be.”

“It’s been two years, Aaron.”

“It doesn’t seem to matter,” Aaron said. “I don’t want to string you along or hurt you.”

“Happened anyway, didn’t it?” Matt said, getting up. They’d met in a café in Hotten, Aaron not wanting a scene more than necessary, and either of their houses felt wrong. “Don’t call me when it goes wrong,” he said, walking out. Matt was good, kind, stable and nothing like Robert. It wasn’t that Aaron wanted to get back with Robert, not at all. But Robert returning had made it perfectly clear that Aaron wasn’t ready for anyone else. The time that had passed seemed to make no difference to him, just seeing his smirk made his heart race. It wasn’t fair to keep Matt when he couldn’t be sure his heart was in it.

* * *

 

“Why did you come back?”

Robert had to hide his shock. A stranger was in his house, Home Farm, which he knew had been locked. He looked at the man and recognised Aaron’s boyfriend.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” Robert said, trying to regain his composure.

“But you know who I am,” Matt said standing across the kitchen from Robert. “And I sure as hell know who you are.”

“What do you want?” Robert asked, not wanting to beat around the bush.

“You to leave and never come back,” Matt said. “You’re screwing with his head.”

“He doesn’t have to come near me,” Robert said. “I’m not forcing him to do anything he doesn’t want to.”

“Do you know what he’s been through?” Matt said.

“He mentioned something,” Robert said darkly. “I know about his father.”

Matt breathed in deeply. “He told you?”

“More like shouted it at me,” Robert said with a shrug. “I’m not leaving, if that’s what you’re after.”

“Are you back for him?” Matt asked.

“Yes,” Robert admitted.

“Why do you want him? He’s better off without you here,” Matt said.

“Maybe he is,” Robert said. “But I need him, I knew that a year ago. I just wanted to get rid of some of my baggage first.”

“You mean your wife,” Matt said bitterly.

“Leave my house,” Robert said, feeling he’d humoured this man enough.

“Fine,” Matt said. “I knew I was fighting a losing battle coming here, but thought I’d try anyway. Don’t hurt him.”

“I won’t,” Robert said.

“Yeah, you will,” Matt said. “You just can’t see it.” Matt turned and left the house, leaving Robert immobile until he heard the door slam. Was there a grain of truth in that? Was he always bound to hurt Aaron, no matter what? He’d surely done enough of it before. That was hardly an encouraging thought.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a while since I've updated this one, sorry! This chapter is filling in some of Aaron's history, for the two years Robert was away. Hope it doesn't read as boring though! Self harm and Aaron's abuse are mentioned here as a warning.

Robert walked into the pub, eyes scanning the villagers for Aaron. His eyes found him, drinking with Adam. Aaron shook his head and walked through behind the bar, not wanting to talk to Robert. Robert wasn’t going to let him get away with that so he moved to follow him but Chas stood in his way.

“I think if he’d wanted to talk to you, he would,” she said. “So no, you’re not getting past me.”

Robert sighed heavily. “How about I talk to you instead?” he said. She scoffed, looking at him like he’d lost his mind. “I’ve seen the burns on his body, Chas.” Her face fell, but Robert wasn’t finished. “I need a better explanation than the one he’s giving me. I know he‘s sugar coating the truth. Talk to me.”

“He doesn’t owe you an explanation at all,” she said, but her confidence had faded somewhat. Both of them were glad the pub was noisy and this conversation wasn’t being overheard.

“You think I’ll let it go?” Robert asked, lips twitching. “If you did, you never really knew me at all.”

“You know, he’s dumped his boyfriend,” Chas said. Robert inclined his head because after Matt’s visit yesterday, he wasn’t surprised. “He was good and kind and… not you.”

“I didn’t… I’m not apologising for that.”

“You kissed Aaron though, didn’t you? He told me.”

“It’s not like he pushed me off, Chas.”

“Aaron is fragile, please leave him alone! He‘s barely recovered.”

“Then talk to me,” Robert said sincerely. “Let me know what he’s gone through, and maybe I’ll understand why you want me away from him so badly.

“Tomorrow,” Chas said, guessing it was the only way to get rid of Robert. And there was the faint possibility that he would be a coward and leave once he knew the truth about Aaron. “Same phone number?” Robert nodded briefly. “I’ll text you when he’s at work.”

“Thank you,” he said sincerely, walking away, out of the pub.

* * *

 

“Thanks for texting,” Robert said, closing the door to the back room of the pub behind him.

“I still think this is wrong,” Chas said. “And if Aaron asks, you did not hear any of this from me.”

“Fine,” Robert said. “What did I miss? What’s happened to him?” Chas didn’t look inclined to start. “His skin’s a mess, Chas.”

“I know,” she said. “It started when Gordon… his father came back. I got back with him which now makes me feel sick.”

“I know,” Robert said heavily. “Aaron told me what he did… when he was a child.” That did shock Chas, he could see it on her face.

“God, Aaron must still trust you,” she said. “He doesn’t talk about it, he can’t. I cannot believe he told you.”

“Was he raped more than once?” Robert asked, needing to know. He didn’t know why only once would make it better, easier to cope with somehow, but it did.

“Yes,” Chas said. Robert flinched, like he’d been struck. He hated that he hadn’t known that about Aaron when they were having their affair. Things he’d said, the way he’d treated Aaron at times now took on such a darker tone. “ _Come on, you know you want me._ ” Or even once _“I want to tie you up, God, the way you‘d look under me…_ ” Robert shook his head, trying to clear the memories. Aaron had never said. Never even got near implying this had happened to him. Robert would never have treated him that way otherwise.

“He’s going to get back with you,” Chas said.

“Why do you say that?” Robert asked.

“He found it so hard to even put into words what that man had done to him, for years,” Chas said. “The fact that he told you when you’ve only been back in the village a matter of days, or weeks says something. He trusts you.”

“He more… shouted it at me,” Robert felt compelled to admit. “What happened after that?” he asked, knowing those burns hadn’t come from his father.

“It went to trial,” Chas said. “Guilty, but that didn't seem to help Aaron. He got in a spiral of hurting himself again. It got really bad, Robert. Adam found him collapsed at the scrap yard and rushed him to hospital. He had blood poisoning and it was touch and go whether he’d even live.”

“He could have died?” Robert asked, heart dropping through the floor.

“Yes,” Chas said. She wouldn’t say it, but she could see how much Robert cared, how much this was hurting him. “After the trial, he still couldn’t cope. Still hurting himself. He had a counsellor, but you know what Aaron’s like. Talking to a stranger isn’t something he likes to do, especially when it’s personal. But we didn’t realise how bad it had got.”

“How bad did it get Chas?” he asked when she showed no signs of continuing.

“Rakesh wanted to get insurance money for his flats he was renovating. Came up with a stupid idea to set it on fire. Aaron lit it.”

“He did what?” Robert said, aghast.

“He lit the fire, and stayed inside a burning building. That’s how he’s got the burns.” Chas looked down, hating to think of the state he’d got himself into back then. As well as an arson charge that seemed to vanish, Rakesh feeling incredibly guilty about what he’d done and what had so nearly happened.

“How could he do that!”

“He was hurting,” Chas said simply.

“Having a good gossip?” They both turned, seeing Aaron at the doorway, looking horrified about what they’d been talking about, how they could talk about him like this. He thought he knew his mother better than that. Actually, Robert knew that look exactly on Aaron’s face. Betrayal. Aaron didn’t say anything else, just turned and left.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter than normal, and this is where I've upped the rating of this fic to explicit. Enjoy!

“Why did you tell him that?” Aaron asked, furious his mother had interfered.

“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Chas countered.

“But why?” Aaron said. He was more upset than he’d admit. “Want him to see me as the pathetic victim? Want to make sure he’ll want to be no where near me?”

“Aaron, love, no,” Chas said, horrified that he’d think that. “Of course not. But… why would it bother you if he didn’t want you? You said you don’t want to get back with him…”

“Forget it,” Aaron huffed, going upstairs. She clearly didn't get it.

* * *

 

Robert avoided the village for a few days. He thought he’d give Aaron time to calm down, plus he really needed to move into Home Farm properly. He’d made the decision he was going to stay here for good, especially after hearing those things about Aaron. He could hardly leave him now, and he wanted him back. Just not sure how he was going to go about it.

When it came to it, it wasn’t his decision that brought things to a point. It was a little after midday when there was a knock on his door. It surprised him immensely to see Aaron there, nervous energy rolling off him as if he was raring for a fight.

“Hi,” Robert said blankly, moving aside for him to come in.

“Why were you talking with my mum?” Aaron asked, eyes harsh.

“Because I wanted to know what’d gone on with you,” Robert said honestly. “I wanted to know what I’d missed.”

“A lot,” Aaron said. “But I’m coping.”

“I know,” Robert said. “I wasn’t gossiping with Chas to get ammunition, Aaron. You know me better than that. I _hope_ you know me better than that,” he edited.

“Why did you need to know?” Aaron asked desperately. “Why couldn’t you just leave it alone?”

“Do you think it changes how I feel?” Robert asked, walking towards him, closing the distance. Aaron looked down at the floor, and Robert realised that was exactly what he thought. “Of course it doesn’t. I still want you. I still…” he didn’t get any further because Aaron kissed him. Robert backed away as soon as he realised what Aaron was doing, the taste of him strong on his lips.

“So… you don’t want me,” Aaron said, as if resigned to this. Almost as if that kiss had been a test.

“I do,” Robert countered. “Just worried why you’re doing this.”

“Can’t it be as simple as I want you?”

“It can, but it isn’t,” Robert said. “It never is with us.” Aaron’s lips tilted into a slight smile at that admission.

“Help me forget,” Aaron whispered, closing the distance between them. “You’re so good at that, Robert.”

“Right, and you’re not going to regret this tomorrow?” Robert asked, wondering why he was still saying no, when his body was almost aching for Aaron’s touch, and here he was offering it, no strings attached. Or at least… none at the moment.

“No, I won’t,” Aaron said. “Come on, this is what we’re so good at.” Robert stopped fighting it. He’d deal with the fall out tomorrow, or whenever Aaron turned up realising this was a mistake. Robert wasn’t a saint enough to say no. He dipped his head, kissing Aaron deeply, reacquainting himself with the gorgeous taste of him. God, how had he lived without these perfect lips on his for so long?

“Oh, Aaron…” he couldn’t help moaning, closing his eyes into another kiss. Aaron had pushed him up against the wall, hands on his waist, keeping him firmly pressed against his own body. Robert groaned deep in his throat, feeling himself get rock hard. It’d been quite a long time for him, what with the breakdown of his marriage and it didn’t take much from Aaron to get him responding.

“You’re keen,” Aaron said, cupping him through his jeans and squeezing gently. Robert rolled his head back at the sensation, breathing harshly. Aaron’s hands on him felt so good, he had no idea how he’d last if this carried on. Aaron undid his jeans, hand sliding slowly inside to tease him through his underwear.

“A… oh God… Aaron, please.”

“What do you want?” Aaron asked, loving having Robert caught right where he wanted him.

“You,” Robert breathed, not caring about the desperation in his voice. “I need to feel you, Aaron. God, I…”

“Was I the last man you fucked?” Aaron asked, the words torn harshly from his throat before sucking on Robert’s neck, each movement awaking memories of how he reacted before.

“Yes,” Robert breathed, the blood thundering through his body, right under Aaron’s lips and teeth, grazing against him lightly.

“Good,” Aaron gasped against his skin. “You’ll be tight for me, then.”

Robert moaned. He had no idea where this vocal Aaron had come from, but it was such a turn on, and he certainly wasn’t complaining.

“Upstairs,” Robert demanded. “Bedroom.”

“You’ve changed,” Aaron said, grinning at him. “Up against a wall, or on the kitchen table not good enough for you any more?”

“I promised myself if I ever had you again, I’d have you in a bed, on a mattress,” Robert said, gasping at Aaron‘s lips on his neck. He knew Aaron was marking him but right now, he didn’t care one bit.

“Don’t make this something it’s not,” Aaron warned. “We’re both turned on right now, that’s all.”

“Bed,” Robert insisted. “Please.”

“Fine,” Aaron said, parting from him impatiently. They rushed upstairs and as soon as Robert closed the bedroom door, Aaron pushed him up against it. The short journey upstairs had been far too long without being touched. Robert impatiently took Aaron’s shirt off.

“I…” Aaron started. Robert backed off, sensing the nervousness there. “I need you to be careful. They… the burns really hurt if you’re too rough.”

“Okay,” he said, making sure to skim his hands very softly over Aaron’s chest, making the younger man moan. “That doesn’t hurt?”

“No…” Aaron cried out. In fact in felt almost blissful, Robert‘s large hands stroking his damaged skin, slipping under his jeans and squeezing his arse.

“Get undressed,” Aaron begged. They both did, hands clawing at fabric, the urgent need to touch each others skin almost palpable. It didn’t take long at all until they were both naked, Robert moaning loudly as Aaron pushed him back against the mattress, his body pressing deliciously against Robert’s. Aaron kissed him deeply, hands roaming and Robert let him, groaning as Aaron squeezed his arse.

Robert had never been so passive in a sexual encounter, but knowing now what he did about Aaron’s past, he let him take control, do things his way. He knew he’d enjoy this immensely, there was nothing he enjoyed more than bottoming for Aaron. At the beginning of their affair, it’d been a deep thrill for Robert, a physical act he simply hadn’t been able to get from his wife.

“Where is it?” Aaron breathed before biting one of Robert’s nipples gently. He'd always enjoyed that.

“B… bathroom cabinet,” Robert spluttered, knowing what he was asking.

“Too damn far away,” Aaron groaned. Right now, Robert had to agree, feeling Aaron’s hand wrap around his length. Robert closed his eyes, head rolled backwards, willing himself not to come too soon. Usually he could hold out, but it’d been so long for him, and Aaron twisted his fist just right, making it more difficult and he whimpered under Aaron‘s touch.

“Not yet,” Aaron whispered, biting his earlobe. “Don’t come for me yet.”

“Oh, God…” Robert moaned. “A… Aaron, please.” Suddenly he was gone, leaving Robert to blink at his absence, disorientated. It only took a moment or two for Aaron to come back in the doorway, lube and condom in hand. It allowed Robert to look at him, really look. His upper chest was mottled with burns, pink and red, travelling down his left side to his hip. Almost oddly beautiful, if he forgot about the pain they still caused him.

“Enjoying yourself?” Aaron asked, defences well and truly up at the curiosity in Robert‘s gaze.

“Yes,” Robert said honestly. “I love looking at you.” Obviously seeing the honesty there, Aaron didn’t push and covered Robert’s body with his own, returning to where they’d been.

“Roll on your side,” Aaron breathed. Robert did, closing his eyes as Aaron moved behind him, kissing each bump of his spine, moving lower on Robert’s body. Robert cried out, knowing where this was going, clearly Aaron was in a giving mood today. Robert cried out with pleasure when Aaron’s tongue reached his hole, licking and tasting, slowly working him up.

“Still like that then?” Aaron murmured, before returning to Robert’s body.

“You. It’s you,” Robert panted. “Always you. Oh Christ…” Aaron started alternating between his fingers and his tongue, opening him, leaving Robert quivering and spluttering. Aaron felt pleased that he could still reduce Robert to a whimpering mess with his tongue. This man was usually so in control of himself, of others, but Aaron loved having him exactly where he wanted, making him lose himself completely.

“Please,” Robert breathed. “I need you inside me, now, Aaron.”

“Oh, going all needy?” Aaron asked, though he was struggling to hold on himself. He quickly prepared himself, before slowly pushing into Robert.

“Oh, God…” Robert moaned as Aaron kept moving, the delicious aching burn of the pain feeling much better than it should do, Aaron’s mouth kissing his neck until he was fully inside him. The tightness surrounding Aaron was exquisite, and he knew Robert hadn’t been lying. It had been a long time for him.

“Tell me when I can move,” Aaron whispered hoarsely, letting Robert get used to him.

“Give me a few seconds,” Robert said, groaning when Aaron reached around him, stroking him firmly. “All right,” he gasped. “Please.”

Aaron did as asked, pulling out before sharply thrusting back in, making sure to brush Robert’s prostate. Robert groaned deeply, a sound Aaron was sure he’d never heard from his lover before.

“Quick,” Robert said. “I need it quick, please.” Aaron was only too happy to agree. He was close too, there was no need to draw it out. Robert clenched around him, making Aaron curse under his breath, which in turn made Robert laugh. Aaron moved as fast as he was able, thrusting deeply inside him. Aaron came with a shout, stilling inside him, making Robert almost whine with need. Aaron stroked his erection quickly, taking him right over the edge. 

Robert must have either passed out of slept for a few moments, because when he opened his eyes, Aaron lay right next to him, breathing back to normal, the sheen of sweat on his skin having faded completely. “Sorry,” Robert said. “Think I fell asleep.”

“Think you did too,” Aaron agreed. “I have to go,” he added, getting up and slowly finding his clothes. His body ached in a good way, and he could barely believe what he’d just done. Essentially knocked on Robert’s door for sex. And what was worse was he’d let Robert see him and touch him completely naked. He was more self conscious than ever because of his burns, but that hadn’t mattered. He’d let Robert touch every part of him, and it bothered him that he felt okay with that. He shouldn’t, it should feel horribly wrong but somehow it didn’t.

“No, you don’t,” Robert said. “You could stay.”

“I can’t,” he said, voice carrying a reason, more than just a simple denial. “My burns are itching, I have to… put the cream on them before it gets really bad. That’s at home.”

“Oh,” Robert said, sitting up and watching Aaron get dressed. “Did I hurt you?” he asked in concern.

“No,” Aaron said. It was almost true, the simple act of too much pressure on them did hurt, but at the time, Aaron hadn’t cared. Robert’s hands and mouth and body had felt incredibly good.

“I always saw you as more than your scars, Aaron,” Robert said. “It doesn’t bother me.”

“It bothers me,” Aaron said. “I hate it, and I don’t understand how…”

“How?” Robert prompted.

“How you can still look at me like that.” Aaron shrugged, and Robert could almost see his defences going back up. He could also see the regret and knew the word mistake would be floating over his mind. Robert had known it was coming, but it still hurt.

“I’ll see you later,” Aaron said before making his escape. Robert sighed, collapsing on the bed, staring at the ceiling.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gently prodded for another chapter of this one, though it is drawing to an end now. Just one more to go after this one, enjoy!

Aaron walked into the Woolpack a lot more on edge than he should be after such a great round of sex this afternoon. How had he done that? He shouldn’t have gone around to Home farm, shouldn’t have thrown himself at Robert, and Robert shouldn’t have let him. He was well aware that Robert had resisted at first, but it hadn’t taken much. He walked into the back room, taking his jacket off and feeling relief from the pressure on his burns. He needed that medicated cream, now.

“Oh Aaron,” Chas said quietly and sadly, looking at him from the kitchen table.

“What?”

“Do you have to go running back to Robert?”

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Aaron said, knowing it wouldn’t fool her for a second.

“I can smell him on you,” Chas said. She couldn’t but the look on Aaron’s face screamed both guilt and Robert Sugden louder than words ever could. “Want to try again?”

“Let me shower, then you can lecture me,” Aaron said lowly.

“Fine.” Aaron dragged his feet upstairs.

* * *

 

An hour later, Aaron sat in the living room, clean and in a lot less pain from his burns. He felt much less agitated too, now the pain had gone. Deny it to Robert all he liked, it had stung the way his hands had clutched Aaron to him. Perfect definition of Robert, that. Enjoyment first, pain later. “You can’t say anything I’m not saying to myself,” Aaron said before his mother could start.

“Aaron, you’re my son and I love you,” Chas started, making Aaron roll his eyes. “But after everything you’ve gone through, you are too fragile to get tangled up with that man again. He hurts you, he’s a manipulator and you let him do it. You even go back for more.”

“I am not back with him,” Aaron said quietly. “It was just a small… blip.”

“He know that, does he?” Chas asked, correctly putting her finger on the problem.

“What do you mean by that?”

“He’s out the front asking if you’re home.” Aaron closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the sofa.

“I’m not here.”

“He knows I’m lying,” Chas said. “But if he wants to spend all of his money in my pub while waiting for you to show your face…” Chas smiled at him and Aaron grinned back.

* * *

 

“Apparently you’ve been here all day,” Aaron said at the bar when it was nearing nine in the evening. Chas had reluctantly asked Aaron to get rid of him.

“Waiting for you,” Robert said, face brightening when his eyes rested on Aaron.

“Outside,” Aaron said, nodding to the door. Robert followed him out the door into the street. Robert leaned forward for a kiss but Aaron turned his head away. “We are not together,” Aaron said.

“But… this morning,” Robert said, face falling.

“Was good sex,” Aaron said. “It was the only part of our relationship that was ever any good. I… wanted you, and I shouldn’t. It was a mistake.”

“I told you before,” Robert said, his voice carrying a warning. “I told you you’d regret it.”

“It’s not exactly that,” Aaron said, shaking his head. “We shouldn’t have done that, but… it’s not regret. It felt good.”

“Yeah?” Robert asked, face going hopeful once more.

“You know it did.”

“Aaron, I want to be with you,” Robert said sincerely. “I want to give us a proper chance. We’re so good together.”

“No, you don’t know that,” Aaron said. “We’ve never really been in a relationship, Robert. Just sneaking around for sex behind your wife’s back. That’s not a relationship.”

“We could try,” Robert said. Aaron bit his lip and shook his head, but he was wavering, Robert could tell. “Stop. You know what that does to me,” he added, voice thick with longing and Aaron released his lip from his teeth. He did know Robert liked that.

Robert took a deep breath, knowing that Aaron wouldn’t want to hear this, but needing to say it. “Aaron, I still love you.”

“Robert, don’t…”

“Why? It’s the truth.” Aaron had no words, which unfortunately meant Robert continued. “I know this morning felt as good for you as it did for me. First time I’ve felt alive since I left. Tell me it didn’t feel the same for you.”

“You know it did,” Aaron said, seeing the fear on his face vanish. “But…”

“Give me a chance, Aaron,” Robert said, quietly begging.

“It’s not just you,” Aaron said. “It’s me. I’ve got a hell of a lot of baggage, Robert. Since you‘ve gone I've… fallen apart.”

“I know,” Robert said. “And I don’t pretend to know everything. I don’t pretend that it’s going to be easy. Aaron, I don’t know how you coped after your father…”

“Don’t,” Aaron said, cutting him off. “And I didn’t cope. I think my burns show you that.” Robert took a huge risk. He knew Aaron was considering giving him a shot and he didn’t want to push but he couldn’t bear the distance between them. So he put his hands on Aaron’s waist, pulling him close. Aaron didn’t argue the contact, privately enjoying his own body being closer to Robert.

“We’re a disaster,” Aaron said honestly.

“We’re worse when we’re apart, you know that,” Robert said. “I’ve wanted you so much ever since I left two years ago. Not seeing you didn’t change that. Give us a chance, Aaron.” He smelt so good this close that Aaron’s heart was racing. The strong urge to take his clothes off was back and Aaron forcefully reminded himself that he stood outside the pub in the middle of the street.

“I know that look, Aaron. You want me again, don’t you?”

“I’d love to say no,” Aaron said, lips twitching. “But yeah, I do.” Robert didn’t wait for more, he kissed him deeply, Aaron almost groaning into it. Roberts arms felt so good, his mouth tasted so perfect. Aaron had no resistance and he didn’t want to. His mother had been right, he was fragile, but he never felt like it in Robert’s arms. He felt good and special and it felt so right to be kissed by him.

“Upstairs,” Aaron breathed.

“You want to?”

“I want _you_ ,” Aaron corrected.

“Your mother will kill me,” Robert said.

“Not who I want to be talking about right now,” Aaron said, making Robert laugh. It died away quickly.

“Seriously, you have to tell me if I do anything that… makes you remember…” Robert felt it was important to say it. Earlier in the day Aaron had taken such control of their tryst that the chances of Robert triggering a bad memory had been very slim.

“I’m fine,” Aaron said. “I was two years ago, and I am now. Don’t worry.”

“I do worry about you, though,” Robert said. “Can’t help it. And you should have told me before.” Aaron shook his head, pulling him in for a kiss, enjoying his mouth.

“Upstairs.” Robert smiled into another kiss.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those who've been reading and commenting. Finally got here in the end! Hope you enjoy the last chapter.

“Ah…” Aaron moaned as he woke up. His skin was on absolute fire, burns itching like mad. He hadn’t paid any attention to them last night, Roberts hands and mouth on his damaged skin had felt amazing, not one tiny bit of pain. He was paying for it now. “Shit.”

“What’s wrong?” Robert asked, stirring from sleep.

“I hurt everywhere,” Aaron admitted. He fumbled on his bedside table for the cream which would take the itch and most of the pain away. Robert blinked himself awake, realising what Aaron was doing.

“I’m so sorry,” Robert said, gently stroking an unscarred patch of skin on his chest. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“It’s always bad when I wake up,” Aaron said. “Not just you.”

“Do you want me to help?” Robert asked, carefully keeping his voice neutral as Aaron struggled to reach the burns on his back. Aaron paused, considering.

“Don’t you dare pity me,” he said

“I won’t,” Robert said, reaching for the tube of cream. “Relax.” Aaron thought about it for another few seconds before doing as he’d asked, laying on his front, head resting on folded arms.

“Tell me if I’m too hard,” Robert said, not wanting to hurt him more than absolutely necessary. Aaron nodded as Robert started to rub the cream into the burns on Aaron’s left side. 

“Oh…” Aaron moaned.

“Too much?”

“No, so good.” Robert smirked, carrying on doing the same thing. “Ah, God…” Robert leaned over him, pressing a kiss to the back of Aaron’s neck, on an unscarred patch of skin, mmming against his body. Aaron smiled. “Don’t stop.” Robert had no intention of stopping. He didn’t just focus on his burns, instead managing to stroke his hands over Aaron’s entire back, trying to pour as much feeling into his touch as possible.

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Aaron asked.

“Touching all of you, having you under my hands? Yes,” Robert said. Aaron laughed lightly, the pain fading as Robert leaned over him again, whispering in his ear. “Turn over.” Aaron did, for one of the first times in his life, feeling completely comfortable naked in front of someone else. He was scarred, battered and far from perfect, but the way Robert looked at him made it clear that he didn’t care. More, that Robert was still deeply physically attracted to him.

“Do you want me to…” Aaron asked, reaching for the cream. He was perfectly capable of doing this himself after all.

“No,” Robert said, cutting him off. He realised he’d been staring at Aaron in silence and he hurried to apply the cream to his body. Aaron groaned in pain at first before it started to have an effect. He closed his eyes, enjoying Robert’s touch immensely. After a few minutes, he couldn’t help himself, Aaron sobbed. Robert’s hands were so soft and tender, loving on his scarred skin. It felt like he was melting and the only thing that existed were Robert’s palms against him. He only opened his eyes when Robert straddled him, leaning over him to kiss his lips softly.

“Good morning. You okay?” Robert asked.

“I’m okay,” he said. “Thank you, that felt…” he didn’t finish his sentence. “How can you still want me?” Aaron asked.

Robert paused, considering his words carefully before he spoke them, not wanting to say the wrong thing, make Aaron shut him out. “It… doesn’t matter. What you look like, I mean. Hearing the way you moan when I’m deep inside you is what I want. That’s what drives me crazy. The way you open yourself to me, you trust me to see you like this, when I know you hate it. I want to make you feel good, I love being able to bring you to the edge over and over again. It’s not what you look like that matters, I love you. You stubborn git.”

“You’ve changed,” Aaron said slowly, considering.

“No, I’ve stopped hiding,” Robert said. “Before, I never really accepted that I could love a man. Not properly. I’ve stopped pretending.”

“I’m not sure this… us, I mean… is going to be as easy as you think it is,” Aaron said.

“Okay,” Robert said, so casually that Aaron knew he wasn’t taking it seriously.

“Come on then,” Aaron said, getting out of bed.

“For what?” Robert asked.

“Breakfast. And there’s no way you’ll be able to sneak out of here without my mum spotting you, so…”

“Not my fault,” Robert said, though he'd paled at the mention of Chas. “You were the one who was so loud last night.”

“I was going to sleep after round one,” Aaron said. “You insisted on two more.”

“Didn’t hear you complaining,” Robert said, smiling. Aaron smiled back, before dressing and going downstairs to face Chas's inevitable unhappiness.


End file.
